Utopia?

Where is the perfect connection of our will and His? I'm just beginning to learn about my self-determined vows to be the perfect mom, most loving, etc. Even though the vows are consistent with the heart of God, self-determination is no different than an utopian world. Only walking in His vision and His direction with His empowering can I be what He chose me to be, even before the foundations of the earth were laid... Ephesians 1:4-6. ??? According to some very wise biblical scholars, self-determined vows set up stony hearts... quite the opposite of what I had in mind. In yielding all my expectations, desires and dreams to Him, there is the fulfillment of His Heart, which is perfect.